Confirmed

Well, you were right. It did hit me like a brick, and I was left sitting here crying. I have not moved on, and I do not understand why you keep saying that. I will never move on. You have destroyed every good and pure thought of love I ever had. You manipulated me, destroyed me, used my weaknesses against me, and left nothing but pain. I hope I love again. I pray every night that someone will come around and show me that it does exist. But at this moment, I have no faith. I have no belief that anyone in the entire world can make me as happy as you could. Every night will be cherished. Especially that night on the roof because that night showed me a glimmer of what could have been ours again. I came home from that cruise with such a definite mind that you were it. You were the one. Commitment scares me. It scares me more than anything, and I hate making it. But that night on the roof, I knew. I knew you were the one I wanted to be with. The one I would marry. But I was wrong. You broke my heart again. I don’t know what I did for you to call me such cruel and mean names. I am not a slut nor a whore, and I have never done anything to be called that. For the rest of my life, any person I kiss or date or anything, I will simply be searching for someone to be able to make me feel the way you did, and so far, I have never met anyone you could. 

So congratulations kid. I’m so glad to hear you have moved on. I can’t wait to hear how your life turns out. And congratulations for making me feel such a deep pain. Certainly isn’t something I have ever been able to feel before, so you achieved your goal. You have made me hurt more than you ever did. Maybe I am a slut. Maybe I am worthless and just a piece of shit. Maybe I am a loser and ugly and my sorority will never be what I wish it could. Thank you for confirming it. I guess I did always wonder. 

My Goodbye

I don’t hate you nor do I ever think I will be able to. Don’t get me wrong, I try. I try for hours to just hate you, but I can’t. You were a part of me for so long. My everything. Even with the words you said to me, such cruel and mean words that were only meant to hurt me as much as they could, don’t even make me hate you. All they do is hurt. I wish every day that my life could still be with you, and I wake up every morning hoping to wake up and see your face. But, you aren’t there, and you never will be again. No, I haven’t moved on, and at this time in my life, I feel I never will. But it’s time. It is time for me to move on with my life. It is time for me to see what life has waiting for me. I wish it did not have to end the way it did. I wish we could be happy right now, holding hands and kissing, but that is not our life anymore. We have changed and our past selves cannot be brought back. I love you, and I always will, but I must stop doing this to myself. I have blocked your number from my phone, so don’t bother texting or calling. I will never get them. You have been erased out of my online life and will never be seen again. When I hear someone talk about you, I will nod and smile but no more because I have to fight the urge to want to know about you. Will I cry? Every day. Will be feel sick to my stomach with the thought of you not in my life? Constantly. But, it is time. I love you. Today, tomorrow, and forever, but it is now my time to say goodbye. I hope the rest of your life is nothing but happy, and I hope when you think of me, you only feel joy. Goodbye Kid.